Dom And Dumber
	Wow. There aren't really a whole lot of news stories to talk about this Wednesday, that's why I'm taking a closer look at some of the inane platitudes that came out of the first round of media obligations ahead of the Ireland v France 1st leg. Shay Given thinks Ireland can do it - I'd hope so, Shay - even though he admits "Henry, Benzema and Anelka are capable of winning any game." Really? Thanks for the warning - I won't be inviting them to my annual Strip Snap World Championships so. Giovanni Trapattoni completed a rare press conference that didn't send Sam Allardyce's blood pressure through the roof, but he did point out "football is concrete. We are not a theatre, La Scala or Madison Square Garden; it's football" which will disappoint anyone who was hoping to see Robbie Keane tread the boards as the Dane. Amidst all the not very interesting patter, there was one common theme that emerged - slagging off French manager, Raymond Domenech. Il Trap dissed the reliance on Tarot cards and general witchcraft of his opposite number in that sort of smug way only people who do a lot of praying can. "Help yourself and God will help you as well," he explained, apparently espousing the spiritual benefits of 'All You Can Eat' buffets. Richard Dunne was slightly more Pagan but no less blunt when he claimed Domenech's man contribution was "messing up" a talented bunch of players. The way I've taken just two words of what he said and put them in a different context looks like I'm just trying to stir up pointless conflict, but he actually said it, which I was surprised at. "Every time a tournament comes round, France have all these world-class players and then a man who seems intent on messing them up," he said which was a little more forthright than had been expected. They might have some great players, but the manager is considered a liability. Will it ultimately cost the French? Well, today's generic and deliberately ambiguous horoscope for Aquarians like Domenech warns to "modify expectations" which I'll take as conclusive proof that Ireland will qualify.	That sultry gallic stare. Don't look at it too long or your knickers will come flying off.
	More Mumbo And Indeed Jumbo From The World Of Football
	"Where are my clubbing nights?" asks Peter Crouch. "They're behind you," he's told by people with nothing better to do than make sure no-one has fun ever. Crouchy says that his days of going nightclubbing are over. This will come as a devastating blow to all his friends who rely on him to look out over a crowded dancefloor and spot where their other group of friends are.
	Former Liverpool 'taking too much out of the ball-er' and a man only a couple of places ahead of Djimi Traore and Nani on my list of 'players I can't believe have a European Cup winner's medal', Vladimir Smicer has retired from football to become manager, but not really manager of the Czech Republic national team.
	Everton plan to extend Louis Saha's contract, which will almost certainly bring an end to his recent run of fitness and pave the way for a couple more years of minor injuries serious enough not to play for a long time.
	Real Madrid put recent troubles behind them to beat third division Alcorcon 1-0 in the Copa Del Rey. It's a shame they lost the first leg 4-0.
	The More Gratuitous Than Normal Sports Round Up
	The European Tour has suffered a double kick in the nads with the news that Rory McIlroy plans to take his fro stateside for much of next season in pursuit of more ranking points and girls who love the accent. In fairness, I added the girls part myself, but I'd be surprised if I was wrong. In less important news because he's not that good anymore, Adam Scott says something similar.
	The IAAF try to keep up the charade that the award for Athlete of the Year isn't already winging it's way to Usain Bolt's mantelpiece by issuing a shortlist.
	You can buy the car that Michael Schumacher won the 1994 Snooremula 1 Drivers' Championship with on ebay. It'll cost you around €2.5 million, but as far as I understand, crashing it into Damon Hill is free.
	You might question the validity of including this in a round of sports news, but running is a sport, unless no clothes are involved and then it becomes streaking. Thankfully, the University of Arizona's Annual Undie Run just about features clothes and therefore makes the cut. If that's not to your tastes, here's a picture of Bayern Munich's Mario Gomez in his pants for no particular reason as well.